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Everything Stands Back Up

by Nire Nah

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1.
I'm pretty sure I'll never write another song again The consolation's I don't drink and I'm not a pothead My biggest relapse trigger is a backwards president And that's bigger than the monsters in my bed But I'll make it, someone said If they can, then I can And if I do, then so will you This is the chorus of a song that I can't write I'll never sing it for the person who needs it Because I want to die This is the chorus of a song that I can't write I'll just repeat it 'cause I feel so depleted I can't think of a rhyme It's the chorus of a moment in my life I will remember Pain for pain and gain for gain I'm pretty certain I'm a person you won't call a friend The evidence is stacked against me, piles that don't end My biggest obstacle right now is I'm made of shame And that's how a coward never makes amends But I'll make them all the same If they can, then I can And if I do... well it's up to you This is the chorus of a song that I can't write I'll never sing it for the person who needs it Because I want to die This is the chorus of a song that I can't write I'll just repeat it 'cause I feel so depleted I can't think of a rhyme It's the chorus of a moment in my life I will remember Pain for pain and gain for gain I'm pretty scared that I've just shared too much and not enough It's a familiar feeling I'm still getting the hang of I wish I was smart, experienced, and tough Like all the people right here that I love Like all the people right here that I love
2.
Perfect is a dirty word People shout it from the safety of the sidelines all year What about the learning curve History repeats itself until the guidelines appear This sick, it used to fit, but now it’s bigger than me I’ve made it far enough to know I’m getting somewhere We feast-or-famine folk began as bathwater babies Our days drop off the calendar and we grow Like fingernails and hair A word of warning from one other to another Nothing fades as fast as light The voice of reason’s mute if you refuse to listen Tell me how today is different Tell me how today is different Drunk on powerlessness as you wrestle mania All set to quit before you start Youth is cruel, nature threads you through the loom Nothing gets you like the dark Nothing gets you like the dark This sick, it used to fit, but now it’s bigger than me I’ve made it far enough to know I’m getting somewhere We feast-or-famine folk began as bathwater babies Our days drop off the calendar and we grow Like fingernails and hair She’s only twenty-two, I wish I knew what to do I watched a bitter taste erase the smile from her face That weapon in her hand has her thinking it’s her friend When all is said and done, it’s no fun for anyone
3.
I wonder if one day we'll have any money We laugh 'cause we have to, but one day We'll laugh 'cause it's funny Sure, I make predictions, I don't make decisions I don't lead the band after all And this megaphone makes me sound so small I might as well try reinventing the wheel What business have I telling time Which wounds to heal I wonder if ever the planet will turn On an axis of evenness, each person given A day when they'll smile for no reason That's too much to ask, an electionless effort 'Cause no one is up for the task So we're stuck throwing stones From a house built of bones I love my society, treat it like family Wish I could tell it to tear itself free From the talons of tyrants who tower like toddlers Above every block they can seize, A to Z I might as well try reinventing the wheel What business have I telling time Which wounds to heal Still I'd like to think that we're perched On the brink of enlightenment If I catch a glint of it, what the hell Might as well brighten it And try telling time Telling time how it's better spent
4.
Severing ties with a violent mind And the restless lies that it amplifies I’m absolving you of what you’ve been through And forgiving me my reality, proclaiming This is your destination, you have arrived It’s time to go home, time to go home Time to let go, time for the Om It’s almost within reach Here comes the peace, there go the foes Everyone knows our gods are only our souls I’ll nurture yours and you’ll nurture mine And in this fashion, we’ll collapse and be fine Finally, we’re a family And our legacy is a world at ease Understandably, there’s a history But it’s nothing we can’t agree to cease, extolling This is the conversation we have denied It’s time to get known, time to get home Time to let go, time for the Om It’s almost within reach Here comes the peace, there go the foes Everyone knows our gods are only our souls I’ll nurture mine and you’ll nurture yours And by this virtue, we’ll avert future wars No more noise, no more painful ploys Let your inner voice echo out with joys And acknowledgements of our best intents See, I need your respect, and in turn you will get All the love I can send Here comes the peace There go the foes Everyone knows Our gods are our souls So here goes the Om
5.
Everybody is doing drugs except for me Everybody is smoking blunts except for me Everybody is getting drunk except for me Everybody is having fun except for me Everybody is doing drugs except for me Everybody is smoking blunts except for me Everybody is getting drunk except for me Everybody is having fun except for me Everyone’s out on the balcony Talking at each other loudly Everyone makes it look easy Hands and mouths never empty Because everybody is doing drugs except for me Everybody is smoking blunts except for me Everybody is getting drunk except for me Everybody is having fun except for me Everybody is doing drugs except for me Everybody is smoking blunts except for me Everybody is getting drunk except for me Everybody is having fun except for me
6.
Anger Song 03:31
Until the rings outgrow the trees Until the skyline is swallowed by the sea Till the rain is burning and the deserts freeze Until the bitter end, you’ll be angry But once the anger’s over We can love one another You say you tease me because you like me But more than likely it just pleases you to fight Now I know exactly what you’re gonna say You’ll give up everything to get your way And once the anger’s over We can love one another I can only say I’m sorry so many times Fear ascends, hope declines And I just wanna sleep a little easier at night There are rules in this life That just won’t ever seem right So I don’t follow, I walk beside Invite the anger along for the ride And rockabye that baby and let it yell Until the bitter end, until it’s well ‘Cause once the anger’s over We can love one another
7.
I think that maybe there's a chance That I might just have started to decide something I definitely feel decisive, time to take some action now At least that's what I think I've spent so many minutes of this life of mine Invested in deliberating Anticipation's painful, it's a lunatic's habit But there's no shame in making a change Call me crazy but I like the way the shoe fits But am I insane to choose this It's impossible to use it But my mind is made up finally I'm afraid I've got the answer to that Pesky little question you keep sliding my way I'm ready to reveal the reason I'm so sure to find myself divided each day I'm tired of the weight of it The disappointing shade of it The temperature and shape of it There's nothing more to make of it But my mind is my lifeline Call me crazy but I like the way the shoe fits But am I insane to choose this It's impossible to use it But my mind is made up finally Finally I'll get up off my ass eventually Some misadventure must be meant for me I'm not too far from certain Let's see what's behind that curtain Jump on three One, two, three
8.
Prayer 03:15
Whatever I deserve I hope the truth is kind I only seem to learn When all the points align I honor my own worth By finding my design I pray to Mother Earth I pray to Father Time And everything I know I learned from letting go Everything I know I learned from letting go Everything I know Everything I know Everything I know I'm letting go I pray to Father Time I pray to Mother Earth I ask for peace of mind That I might better serve I make a list of rhymes I churn the same old words It's strange what you can find While digging in the dirt Like everything I know I learned from letting go Everything I know I learned from letting go Everything I know Everything I know Everything I know I'm letting go Mother Earth is brave Father Time is wise Mother, guide my aim Father, dry my eyes Some are here to save Some are here to die I'm so glad I stayed Thank you for this life And everything I know
9.
I don’t know about you But here’s something I might do I might start a coup Start turning gold to blue See I’m a painter I’m not good with danger But I’m drawn to failure I might spoil the view Claiming it can’t be true Forget a few Essential facts I knew Upon a time once And fill the silence With tired nonsense Blanket statement, self-abasement Make my case and hit the pavement But every time you open your mouth To say something to somebody else Whatever combination comes out You never know who it’s going to help Get well, get better, get well, get better Get well, get better, get well I don’t know about you Or what you’re going through I’m just a dude Sitting across from you Ready to listen You have permission That’s a given Let’s say the truth’s Only what we can prove I’ve told a few Stories I wanted to I’m not a writer I’m not a fighter Wish I was brighter Turn it over, tell me yours I promise it’s been said before And if it hasn’t, be the first Hey, what’s the worst could happen It takes an audience, it takes an interaction So take a breath and take a beat It takes a team to move the needle just a fraction People like us People who missed the bus We get it wrong If we’re alone too long It’s nice to meet you I used to be you I’d like to feed you Every time you open your mouth To say something to somebody else Whatever combination comes out You never know who it’s going to help
10.
#1 02:22
Do I dare write a song about The way it makes me feel To know I won't run into you Like I've wanted to You're always on my mind You're on everyone's mind Can I buy you a coffee Whatcha doin' tonight You laughed when I said Who to look out for And what a laugh What a laugh it was You're number one in my book Of long lost loves Take it back, take it back Take it all the way back To the beginning of winter I'd take a thousand winters Over a spring like this But I don't speak for you
11.
Stupid World 05:44
Ask me who I am What I stand for, what’s my plan I will answer Ask me where I’m from How I got here, what I’ve done I’ll go numb ‘Cause I know the history I know the origin All the big finishes All the unhinging It’s why I was born I won awards And I went to Dartmouth And I was an asshole Right from the start I hurt innocent people And I got hurt back Even on the defensive You have to attack And it’s a stupid world Crying alone For someone to hold it Crying alone It’s a stupid world But I’m a smart girl Or whatever I am I stand with you Howsoever I can They don’t make it easy It’s a dreadful disease They take all the liberties And lives that they please And I buy my groceries And I do my laundry Talk to people who love me Wonder why I’m this lucky In a stupid world Crying alone For someone to hold it Crying alone It’s a stupid world And it’s determined to burst Hate and ignorance first Can we keep our eyes open Without seeing the worst It’s already a short life You don’t have to shoot Who lobotomized you Gave you something to prove Are you so unaware Pain is something we share And this blood in the air Doesn’t have to be there I was only an asshole Till I learned compassion We make these mistakes And we don’t learn the lesson Start paying attention Or paying the price You don’t have to be right But it pays to be nice And not be a murderer, not be a rapist And not be a hater, and not be a racist It should’ve been easy I don’t understand Why you came to the party With weapons in hand And it’s a stupid world Crying alone For someone to hold it Crying alone It’s a stupid world And it twirls and twirls
12.
You sat down in your hospital gown While the sickly fluorescents all flickered Expectantly, ready for action Knee-deep in sleep Every night of the week Is no way to turn grey Every day is a waste in this place Have we been here before Just an hour ago Should we keep better score Taking notes as we go So as not to mistake our missteps For the worst of our crimes It’s astonishing what one forgets Waiting on better times So you picked up this magical book As if it held the secrets you needed To feel you’d succeeded at something But all it contains Are some partial refrains And remains of the day And you’re wasting away in this place Have we been here before Just an hour ago Should we keep better score Making notes as we go So as not to mistake our missteps For the worst of our crimes It’s astonishing what one forgets Waiting on better times Tell your mother that you love her Tell your lover there’s no other Tell the truth to your reflection And listen to your children Better times are around the corner They just happen out of order So it’s patience we become Breathing life in through our lungs

credits

released February 28, 2020

~ For Quincy ~

Lyrics and music by Nire Nah
Produced by Patrick Budde
Preserve Records 2020

Vocals, guitar, ukulele: Nire Nah
Keys and percussion: Patrick Budde
Strings: Caitlin Shantz
Bass: John Francis Klingle

"Except for Me" guest artists: vocal soloist Amy Stuenkel, guitar soloist Greg Firak, and the Sober Singers of Chicago

Special Thanks: Ted Han, Gillian Han, Fat Tabby, Tim & Val, Arnold Karr, Carmen Shantz, Danielle Levsky, Nire Nah's Patreon Supporters

Mixed & mastered at The Preservatory
Chicago, Illinois

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Nire Nah Chicago, Illinois

Influences include Joni Mitchell, Tori Amos, Aimee Mann, Rilo Kiley, Daniel Johnston, The Decemberists

Album Art by Nire Nah

Photo by Matthew Gregory Hollis

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